_Sparking Intimacy

Many of us crave the intimacy, spark and sexual chemistry that once flooded our bodies. We reminisce about the days spent luxuriating in each other’s presence, we wonder where did that all go and how do we bring our desire and spark back?

Matt and Gemma were one of those couples who’d spend hours in bed together at the beginning of their relationship. However, four years on, that spark, that inner flame of desire seemed to be a distant memory. Intimacy seemed like a foreign concept and sex almost never happened. Every now and then Gemma wondered if Matt still loved her and if he desired her. She knew that she loved him, but that inner flame had left her body.

Sound familiar?

When we finally meet someone who makes us feel amazing we think that the feeling will last forever. As times passes, relationships evolve and life stressors seep into the relationship and into our bodies. We try to reconnect but many of us fall into our old routines very quickly.

The trick is to have a tool box full of options that we can refer to when we feel like we need a little pick me up, to help us reconnect or to take things up a notch – or two.

Sex toys are not only for the sexually advanced, people have been trying to enhance their sexual experiences for centuries and sex toys and accessories are one method that have stood the test of time.

The introduction:

Deciding to introduce toys into your life and into your bedroom is where the fun starts and the potential for experiencing enhanced sexual pleasure begins.

The new generation of sex toy stores have morphed into boutique adult environments. The staff are friendly, respectful and knowledgeable. They are there to help you find the right toy for you. Even if you have never been into this type of store or used a toy before, or you feel that you already have a few and want something new, the staff are there for you. Their questions will help them help you choose that something special for you to go home with.

The Spark

The spark starts to flicker with the initial conversation you have with your partner. It’s an amazing way to chat about what you like, don’t like and the things you want to explore. Not all of us are comfortable talking about sex with our partners; however talking about toys is a great way of sneaking in some of the information you haven’t been brave enough to reveal to them and a great way to learn about their desires.

I truly believe that the intention with which you touch and explore your partner will not only heighten your experience but it will intensify theirs.

You might be thinking yeah but I don’t know how to do this followed by a
number of what if’s...

What if she laughs? What if I laugh?

The healing qualities of light laughter should not be dismissed. For some, their toy will bring them immediate pleasure and for some just seeing it in their bed may leave them feeling a little nervous. If you find yourself giggling then allow yourself to be real while you explore your new toy, remember you have only just met!

Your Sexual Cord

Let me introduce you to the sexual cord. The sexual cord is the link between your brain and sexual anatomy. The sensual, sexual switch in your brain needs to switch on, allowing it to send messages to your sexual anatomy and visa versa. While you are in the midst of experiencing passion and intimacy that cord remains thick, that sense of being present and in the moment is strong and overwhelming.


When your new friend “the toy” enters this loop of pleasure, your brain might get a little distracted and a few other thoughts might trickle in. If some of these thoughts are not of the sexual kind, then the intensity of your sexual cord may be interrupted momentarily. However, as you and your partner experiment and explore, you will find the cord reconnecting allowing you to enjoy the experience, feeling more connected with your partner. After all, their pleasure is your pleasure.

I’m too old to use a sex toy: Hush I say, there is no such thing!

It is never too late to explore new things; after all you exist within a sexual body. Your body desires touch, affection and pleasure. If you think that one of these buzzing or non-buzzing toys might allow you to experience something new and exciting then give yourself permission to explore. Remember, the people working in these stores want to make this an easy and fun experience for you. Within minutes of walking in you will wonder why you hadn’t come in before.

The Benefits

The benefits of sexual intimacy and orgasms are far reaching. They improve sleep, provide pain relief, weight loss, improved communication and release endorphins. Endorphins produce feelings of euphoria and pleasure, make us feel amazing and connected, helping us desire sexual intimacy and sex again. They increase the feelings of trust, attachment and bonding, which can filter through into the rest of your relationship.

Whether you are a sex toy novice or a connoisseur, about to turn 21 or 64, single or with partner, exploring the many options available is the best way to learn more about what will ignite that pleasure spark within you.


Sex Therapist Fai Kur                                                             Back to Resource page